A message to congress, and the president
Since this government has decided to betray it’s people, with the recent bank robbery bill, we have decided that you, as a government, are no longer worthy to govern. You have stolen our money, and given it to large institutions, and criminals that have sent it to offshore banks, and foreign enemies of this nation. You have betrayed the people of America, and we no longer recognize you as any type of governing authority. Thus, now it is our duty, as a patriotic nation, to cast you off, and create a new government, one that is for the people, by the people, and of the people.
You will not tax us, and collect our wealth to pay off your friends at the privately owned Bank of America. We will not pay, if you try and collect this money from us, then you will simply lose your authority. If you try and force our hand, then I will remind you, that we are still very well armed, and can quite easily beat you into the ground in war.
Now, you can still go around the world invading 3rd world countries if you wish, but you won’t be doing it from our soil, on our dime. Please feel free to use the money you stole from us, and gave to your banker friends to fund your quest, but do not involve the American people in your quest for evil.
If you wish to leave without grief, we can give you a safe passage to Mexico. We have plenty of top NASA airmen that can drop you off over Mexico city, but if you wish to bailout, there is nothing we can do, since we do not have the funds for parachutes any longer. Feel free to ask the Mexican government for them, as they are extremely rich. They might just try to intercept you as you are falling, but I wouldn’t count on it.
We have prepared a special place for the congress in a field out in east TN. This field consists of 3,000 yards of nothing but a clear view of the sunset, which you MIGHT get the opportunity to see if our best marksmen can actually miss from that distance. The congress’s vacation will consist of 4×4 inch posts, in which logging chains with shackles are present. Each shackle is specially fitted for each congressman’s comfort needs, as we want them to be comfortable during their last minutes in front of our nation’s top firing squads. Each congressman can choose his own method of death. He can choose either a .308 round through the head, or a .50 cal BMG to the chest. Since congress has given us only 2 parties to choose from, we will give them 2 rounds to choose from, however, like the two parties, they both have the same end result.
On the special request of the bankers, we have decided to transmute them into goats. Since they are so obsessed with eugenics, we have decided that their offspring are no longer needed, so we will be sending them to abortion clinics before their transmutation is performed.
Truly yours,
the New American Congress.